The phone...

If I want my kids to turn on the 200 decibel pinball machine game, all I have to do...
... is get on the phone

If I want my kids to start fighting, all I have to do...
... is get on the phone

If I want my kids to scream and cry with sudden hunger pangs, all I have to do...
... is get on the phone

If I want my kids to have an intense urge to immediately watch the Wiggles, all I have to do...
... is get on the phone

If I actually want to talk to my mom, my friends, the insurance salesman, the gal who wants to give me a free vacation in Aruba, all I have to do is...
... knock my children out first...and THEN get on the phone!