Silence is golden...

For awhile now, Richard and I have been making time for monthly date nights. We have a fabulous babysitter that is scheduled for a certain night each month so that we can get out of the house. We used to joke when we were dating and first married about how we could always tell which couples in restaurants were dating and which were married (probably with kids). The ones who are dating are smiling, looking in one another's eyes, engaging in meaningful conversation, perhaps even holding hands. The married ones are not talking, not looking at each other, spend most of their meal in silence and certainly are not touching....except maybe to accidentally bump hands as they simultaneously reach for their shared appetizer. We have officially become the latter! When we go out to dinner, we don't say much. If we do talk, 80% of the time it has something to do with the kids. Rather than gazing deeply into one another's eyes he is usually watching whatever ballgame is on overhead (yes, we seem to usually chose "those" restaurants) and I'm studying the menu or staring blankly out into space. It's so funny! But, the reason we do this is not because we're disinterested in one another. I think it's because we are genuinely welcoming the silence. To have a meal in which we have the pleasure of not talking...not chopping up someone else's food...not cleaning a spill....not negotiating the last few bites of cheese among the kids....well, it's rather refreshing. Now I can empathize when we see those other married couples having dinner together in complete silence. It's not that they're upset or completely bored with one another. Chances are, they're relishing the quiet of a dinner without kids! And, chances are, these same people will do what most other married people we know do for after-dinner date activities.....no, not that! We all roam aimlessly around Target/Lowe's/The Mall with no agenda, making no stops at the "potty" and not carrying another human on our hip! So, date nights may not be what they used to be 10 years ago for us....but in some ways, they are equally satisfying. And, somehow just being with one's spouse, whether we're talking so much or not, really is bonding in its own special way.