If you're looking for a clever way to lose a girlfriend, I might suggest the following.
Spend Super Bowl Sunday evening lounging on her couch while your kids riot around for three hours eating all her food and dumping crayons and Polly Pockets all over the house. Let your husband jump and yell and fly toward the flat panel television every time there is a good play. Bring a bowl of queso to share and be sure to nuke it about twelve times so that when it's time to do dishes, the queso has become hard as a rock and glues itself to the bowl…then, let your girlfriend wash it. Stay at your girlfriend's house until way past everyone's bedtime and honor her request not to clean up the Polly Pocket explosion. In your mad dash out at 9:30pm, leave your purse (wallet and phone) behind in her coat closet.
THEN!!!!!!!
Next morning, make sure your gas tank is on empty. Then, empty it completely by driving your son to school. Basically, get your self into a situation where you have no phone, no gas, and no money so that you are forced to stop by unannounced at your girlfriend's house at 8:30am.
As you approach, you'll probably feel a bit better knowing that she is at least awake, because you'll see Wow Wow Wubsy going on the TV inside. Ring the bell with confidence.
Wait 2 minutes. When nothing happens, but you can still see Wubsy, ring again.
Wait 2 more minutes. Get desperate and start peering through the beveled glass doorway. When you spot her kids sitting blissfully in front of Wubsy, start waving your arms and yelling sweet stuff like…"Hey, get your mom!" "Open the door, it's MISS CHRISTIE!" "Let me in!" The children will have been told to ignore the bell and let the "FedEx man" leave the package because heaven knows that ONLY the FedEx man would dare to ring the bell at such an hour.
When the small one starts laughing and waving his stick sling shot at you from his comfy spot on the couch, just take a deep breath. He is simply being an obedient child. Even if it had been 9 degrees outside, he has the strength of character to leave you there in honored obedience to his mother.
Ring the door bell again. This time, older sis will spot you and run to get your girlfriend. Thankfully.
When your girlfriend answers the door, apologize profusely. Say nothing of the state in which she answered the door. After all , it is 8:30am, you kept her up late and now you are rudely unannounced. Find your purse and then…
Run!
And, on the way home thank the Lord above that no matter how hard you try to really irritate some friends, they still manage to love you anyway.
4 comments:
I SO love the way you write and give me word pictures to form in my little head! You are so hilarious! Isn't it great to have friends love us through days like that? Sounds like the Superbowl Sunday was filled with fun and lots of good memories!
You TWERP! I can't believed you blogged it. It was a dark day at the Clark house. A dark day indeed.
Hey, megnbigd...you can come over tomorrow at 6am if you want to pay me back. Hee Hee.
Your blogs all crack me up. I enjoy reading them! This sounds like something that would happen to me! - Marti
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