How NOT to look cool or smart…

A few weeks ago, I wrote a blog entitled How NOT to make your girlfriends like you. I'm considering starting a series on "How NOT To"s because it would seem that I lately have more to bring to the bloggy table by way of learning from my unfortunate mistakes rather than offering up some well-thought, creative morsels of How TO.

Beware. The remainder of this post delves into the depths of my psyche. If that frightens you (as well it probably should) and you feel you need to meander off into some otherr's more frivolous bloggy drivel by all means feel free. I am un-offended.

I hate being perceived as dumb. It's one of my greatest fears. If I think that you think that I'm not all together upstairs, I'll likely have an anxiety attack.

Earlier this week, I sent an email to a friend. In the email I made reference to "Gov. Jim Talent"…….TWICE! Now, anyone who knows their Missouri state current events can tell you right away the gross mistake I had made. Clearly, Jim Talent is not the governor of Missouri. Matt Blunt is the governor of Missouri. Jim Talent is a former SENATOR. I knew that! I really did. I'm quite sure my friend just brushed over this little mistake with an "oh, poor girl" and moved right along with her life. But, when I realized just this morning that I had made this mistake last week, I spent a good two hours obsessing over how in the world I was going to right this wrong and clearly explain to my friend that I'm not a total political moron. I thought about sending her an email explaining myself, but I thought that would be a bit too much. Maybe a more subtle approach….say, slipping the words "former senator Jim Talent" into our next conversation with emphasis on the "senator" just to make sure she hears me clearly. Perhaps I could get a little t-shirt printed up with Jim Talent's face on the front and the word SENATOR just below….then I could wear it next time I see her. On the back, it would say, I AM NOT AN IDIOT. I think that's the real message I'd want to send. Definitely how NOT to look cool or smart.

I felt like one of those poor souls that appear on Jay Leno's L.A. in-the-streets segments where they ask ridiculous questions like "whose face is on the American penny?" and the person stands there blankly and then finally says "uh……Mickey Mouse?" Definitely how NOT to look cool or smart.

This whole incident reminded me of a similar event several weeks ago. I normally enjoy calling people by name when I pass them in the hallway at work or at church. I feel it's an affirming thing to do. So, one evening at church recently, I passed a girl who I've known as an acquaintance for several years. Upon passing her, I said quite chipperly, "HI, DEBORAH!!" She smiled and said hello in return. It was .005 seconds later that I was struck with sheer panic. Her name isn't Deborah. It's Diana! Dang-it! I wanted to turn around and apologize profusely, but the shame of my error was too much to bear and I just kept walking. I obsessed for the next several days about how to right that wrong….to let her know that I do in fact know her name. Should I call her? Should I bring it up next time I see her? Should I send her flowers and a card with her name on the front? Definitely NOT how to look cool or smart.

Bottom line….if you want to NOT look cool or smart, speak before you think. Then, spend an inordinate amount of time coming up with ridiculous ways to go back and make it right. Then, write a blog about it so everyone can be disturbed over the workings of your inner self.

Or, if you want to BE cool and smart try not trying so hard to look cool and smart. Just laugh at yourself and don't obsess over silly things you say. It's okay to look dumb now and again and perhaps even healthy to catch a little dose of humility.